Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
