I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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