Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
