He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
