Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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