Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
