All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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