her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
