ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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