Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
