Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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