i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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