this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
