Have you finally orgasmed yet?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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