i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
