My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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