My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
