I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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