I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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