listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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