She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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