I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
