he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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