when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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