you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
