Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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