And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
