The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
