i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I want to fling myself into the sun
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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