Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
