Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
