we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
