I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
