Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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