You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
