You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
