it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
