the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
