Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
