you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
