Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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