Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
