Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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