if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
