tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
