Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
