i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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