$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
