I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
