worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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