Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
