Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
